Sometimes I feel like you are so completely clueless that I don't think you'll ever understand me and that I won't ever be fully happy because of it. There are days when I need support and you aren't there for me, you're too tired or too sore or some other lame ass excuse. I've tried really hard not to make it obvious when I'm feeling shitty or depressed, and the one time that I can't even hold it in, you berate me for it and have no supportive things to say or gestures to offer. Even hugging me is a chore and that makes me feel worse inside. I feel like there's a pit of worms in my guts and they squirm harder every time you give me a disdainful response as to my mood or the care and feeding of myself when I am in this state. I need support and if it were reversed roles in the same situation, I'd be supporting you and trying to help you where I could. I feel nothing right now, right when I need to feel as much as I can in order to feel -better-. You have nothing to give me when I feel like this and that breaks my heart inside sometimes. You don't understand and I don't think you ever will. But why can't you just try to understand what I need in times like this, you're my partner and my lover, you're meant to be there for me when this sort of thing happens and yet I feel like the loneliest person on the planet even though you're sitting right next to me. It's the ignoring that gets to me, like I'm not there, I'm just a black ugly rain cloud that will go away if it's ignored for long enough. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. You make me more miserable doing that, I feel even needier and pathetic and you just don't care enough to give me something to pull myself up out of the hole with. It's times like this that I still wished I could self harm because at least I'd feel something rather than nothing. I need you right now and you're never there for me. I feel like a drowning man being held under just a inches away from the waters surface, the solution is so close, but I'm still suffocating being held at arm's length.